Miss Cat.

Men, sex, and the friend-zone.

2011-12-31T06:49:00.002+10:00

I often hear "Oh, why don't girls want a nice guy?" or "All the nice guys are in the friend-zone, right where girls left them". I'm going to call bull on that.

Let me tell you something: if you act like a girl, you're not going to get a girl. As Felonious Munk so eloquently shouted "Girls who want to date other girls are called lesbians".

Now, am I saying that there are no good guys in the friend-zone? You bet your sweet patootie there are GREAT guys in the friend-zone... none of whom I want to date. I have a lot of guy friends. Most of my friends are guys. I have no female friends with whom I hang out on a regular basis. All of them live a somewhat unreasonable distance from me, so we can't hang out (and no, you can't sit with us). So I have a lot of guy friends and we hang out and go shopping and go to dinner and don't date each other because we're friends. If I wanted to date any of my guy friends, believe me when I say that it would have already happened. Any guys reading this would probably be well-served to think about their chick friends who have "friend-zoned" them: has she ever given any indication that she wants more than friendship?

I've read the "I've been there for her when she needed someone!" and whatever. Seriously, men... act like a man. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you, so move on and find a girl who does want you. Because there are girls out there if you're such a "nice guy". If your chick friend can't see it, someone else will if your "niceness" is genuine.

Which brings me to sex.

I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Men and women do it. It's how you got here. I don't need to see it or hear about it or read about it every time I go somewhere. Honestly, I don't know why magazines continuously run articles about how to "please your man". Perhaps you should go to church, read the bible, meet a nice boy, and get married and please him within the confidence of marriage. Because that's sexy.

also: men.

Here's my deal with men: I like them. I like men a lot. In conclusion: don't be d-bags and we'll get on fine.

Independence.

2011-07-04T06:39:00.004+10:00

Tomorrow is Independence Day and I will be taking the opportunity to be outside and NOT on the computer.

My Twitter feed has been full of life tweets. Frankly, this is because I'm disgusted with the current state of world affairs and I can't be buggered (pardon my language) to articulate my outrage.

In any case:
Happy Independence Day. Raise a toast to high treason tomorrow and thank God for the men and women currently fighting overseas.

We don't hear about everything the armed forces do for us. We don't hear about every mission or deployment. (As well we shouldn't: secrecy and security are at the forefront to some of these operations.) We should thank and ask God's blessing on these individuals who gave up their lives to their country and for those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

God bless you and God bless America.

Good Friday

2011-04-23T03:38:00.002+10:00

I'm glad it's Friday. Not because of Rebecca Black, or because of any block of programming or restaurant.

Today is Good Friday.

Today is the day we observe and commemorate the torture, crucifixion, and death of the Son of Man, who came to save us from our own sin and death, that we might never truly die.

He died for us so we might live in Him.

It had seemed for all the world like the devil had won. Jesus was dead. He had no pulse. He wasn't breathing. (In fact, crucifixion is a long, slow process of strangulation, which is why it was [1] so horrific and [2] reserved for the worst of the worst of the criminals. Fyi.) Though He could have come down from the cross at any moment, He made the choice that would change us forever.

So they buried Him. His disciples mourned him.

Everything seemed hopeless, because Christ is Hope.

That was day one.
Saturday was day two.
On day three, Jesus was no longer in the tomb. He had Risen and opened the gates of Heaven that we might not have to go to Hell.

These three days are not about having a holiday, or having a nice meal on Sunday, or self-flaggelation. Like Lent is an attempt to sacrifice for God, we will never be able to equal His sacrifice.

Even if you staunchly reject Him, He died for you. He died for us all because we are all sinners. He, who was without sin, gave himself to those who would beat, torture, crucify, and kill Him... for us. Because He knew He would rise.

I hope you all have a great Good Friday and a blessed and Holy Easter.

Not Taking That Nonsense

2011-02-13T14:25:00.002+10:00

I like listening to country music. For the most part, anyway. Listening to it in the car all the time when what I would really prefer to listen to involves a very sexy Les Paul and some face-melting shredding isn't all the fun, but hey, Brad Paisley is pretty neat, too. In any case, I've become increasingly more aware of the "What the heck is she thinking?"-ness of Taylor Swift.

Don't get me wrong. T.Swift is AWESOME and I think she's awesome and I will not hear a word against her talent. I think she's great. Let me say that.

I also think that lyrics in song such as "You Belong With Me" and "Speak now" send entirely the wrong message.

Right now, let's address her VMA-award winning "You Belong With Me".

"Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
Why can't you see
You belong with me?"

1. If a guy had written those lyrics, I do believe he'd be called "STALKERRRRR" and shunned as a nerd/dork/creeper. Seriously.
2. He belongs with you? Is he a piece of property?
3. It's his life. He will be with whomever he chooses, regardless of your personal feelings. Believe me, trying to snare him into a relationship and then him realising that he doesn't want to be with you? It hurts more than him being with someone other than you.

Quite frankly, the whole song is basically her whining at her guyfriend saying "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!". Guys don't find whining attractive. In fact, my guyfriends basically change the subject when I start whining because they -- unlike chick friends who think "I'm so glad this isn't happening to me!" -- don't really want to hear it. It's not that they don't care that I'm having issues with my ex or that my friend is causing drama, it's that I can handle it on my own and the whole "spreading the drama" thing? Totally not awesome.
So girls: Don't whine at the guy you like. He doesn't like it. If he does, he's secretly a girl and/or vindictive and doesn't like you back. So forget him, focus on getting better at math (so that you won't get the 'har har, girlz r bad @ math!' sticker) and suck it up. You'll meet the right fella' if you stop chasing the wrong one. Trust me on this.

So "You Belong With Me" comes off as desperate? Indeed. Which is why it speaks so loudly to young girls. "I know what's best for him and the reason he doesn't like me back has NOTHING to do with the fact that I'm trying too hard." I'll paraphrase my sister's advice to me: boys don't like girls who act like boys. In other words: guys don't want to be pursued.

What about "Speak now"?

Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death-march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me...
(Don't you?)

(1) I'm not married. I have, however, seen enough RomComs and been to enough weddings (two of which I was in) and know what the bride is thinking: she's terrified and excited. These are the last moments before she's permanently joined to the man she loves most of all in the world. She is stressed. She's wearing a dress that is not comfortable and she's trying not to sweat because said dress costs as much as two car-payments and she's got to wrangle bridesmaids who are, quite frankly, probably more concerned about how they look than how the bride looks or feels. She's also got these decisions to make because no one is going to ask the groom what to do with the flowers or the cake or the food. On top of that, it's entirely likely the pregnant flautist's water just broke all over the front steps to the church and she's not going to make it to the ceremony, so her thirteen-year-old cousin whose mastery of the flute is basic at best has offered to step in and... there are a lot of things that could go wrong at your wedding. Let me just say that before we get too far off topic.
(2) The bride has a lot going on without some crazy ex-girlfriend (or friend? It's not specified in the song) trying to steal her man on her wedding day. Totally not cool, Taylor Swift.
(3) I fail to see how this is healthy. Granted, the fact that most of the song takes place in a daydream does add a certain something to it. I would argue, though, that the fact that she's fantasising about breaking up her ex's/friend's wedding because she's jealous. I mean, how often does breaking up any marriage or relationship work? Honestly, it doesn't.

also:He probably kissed the bride the day before. Do you really want sloppy-seconds, girls? (The thought makes me want to vomit.)

Where one song is desperate, the other makes me want to punch her (though I am currently singing along because I'm pretending its ironic).

What this boils down to is self-respect.

I don't know any actualised, self-respecting woman who would all but beg a man to love her or break up a wedding so that she could possibly get together with the groom an hour after he's out of his tux. The icing is still cool on the cake, I don't know what you're thinking.

Maybe the operative word is "woman". A girl will pout and shout and cry that she's not getting her way. A woman -- a real woman -- is poised and takes responsibility for her actions. She also says something to her love-interest before his wedding day (to a woman he must love if he [1] spent enough time with her to want to spend the rest of his life with her and [2] got down on his knee and asked her to marry him) so that she doesn't create a spectacle of herself. Real women don't make spectacles of themselves over a man. (Pro-tip: if he had wanted to marry you, he would have asked you.)

No, I'm not married.
Yes, I have been a fool for a man. I have been a fool over more than one man.

The difference between T.Swift and I is that I've learnt from my foolishness and am not letting men mess me about.

Now, do I still like her music? Heck yes. Do I still jam out to "Love Story" whenever it comes on? Yes. Will I endeavour to be more like T.Swift in 2011 and use her songs as a pattern to my life? Oh gosh, I hope not. I'm not desperate for attention and I don't plan to break up my ex's wedding, no matter what my personal feelings on the matter (I don't want cooties to be passed to me. That's icky).

I'm Not Easy.

2010-06-04T05:53:00.007+10:00

How many of us have taken the easy way out? We're all looking to save time, energy, and money. It's really easy, right? It's easy to tell a young girl that she's not responsible for her actions because, really, she's still just a kid, right? She made a mistake?
It's easy to throw money at a problem and make it go away. It's easy to say to people that, no, it's alright, we'll give you everything you need to survive.
It's easy to take, take, take, than ask, ask, ask.
It's easy to tout "social awareness" and "social responsibility" when what you're proposing is Id-style thinking.

Money buys everything in this society, and I'm sick of it.

I've mentioned personal responsibility before. My parents instilled in me cause and effect, and that I will eventually have to solve my own problems.

Just like the overbearing big brother associated with pretty girls, the government is -- nominally -- trying to protect us and -- actually -- seeking to control us.

The ever-present "They" is trying to take away our responsibilities so we need never do anything for ourselves. We live in a world where instant gratification is the only gratification many young people know. We live in a world where oral sex is no longer considered sex by many young people, and where 'fisting' is an appropriate and safe alternative to penetrative sex.

Pardon my language, but are you farking kidding me?

Parents no longer have any responsibility: park the kid in front of the television, or in a daycare where they'll eat snacks and play mindless games all day, then bring them home for a boxed meal, and put them in bed by eight so that mommy and daddy can stay up, have a box of wine, and complain about how hard having children is.

What ever happened to parents -- I don't know -- actually taking an interest in their children's lives? When I was little, my parents would ask me about my day, ask me about homework, help me with my spelling, help me do maths... Heck, when my dad was home, he'd read to me before I went to bed. As I got older, my parents spoke to me as a person, and now my dad and I can have actual discussions about current events.

There are public service announcements on the television imploring men to be dads. If you're going to have children, take the time to take care of them. They're your kid, but they can grow up to be your best friend.

It's easy to blame one group of people, or technology, or the 'times' or whathaveyou. It's difficult to come up with solutions to problems.

What I've seen in my limited experience, is that Liberals and Progressives are more keen at throwing money at a problem to fix it, than to get down to the root cause of the problem. As any gardner, dentist, or English major will tell you: if there's something wrong with the roots, there's something wrong with the whole. The whole is a symptom of the bigger problem.

It takes thinking. But with however-many people there are in this world (seven billion, is it?), we're not coming up with many solutions. It's money and murder we're throwing at everyone. We're throwing our lives and money away on what we need to be devoting our time, love, and work ethic.

But with a Liberal majority in the House and Senate, we're throwing money at problems. I'm repeating myself, and I feel like a broken record, but I'll reiterate: money won't solve the problem. Money is part of the problem, and we, the American people, don't have enough left over to throw at these problems, anymore.
WE are going bankrupt and the politicians are getting richer off of our taxes.

Look, it's not easy to think for yourself. I guess that's why so many people are Liberals: they don't want to put in the effort to think for themselves and come up with real-world solutions to problems (including that porous border, our reliance on foreign oil, and the fact that our Fearless Leader kow-tows to every foreign dignitary to step foot on American soil, when our citizens are looked down upon by our government because we're mere plebes compared to the suits we put in office).

We're not thinking. All we're doing is parroting the opinions of those we place above ourselves in the social hierarchy so that we can sound intelligent.

I'm sorry, even when I'm playing dumb, I know better than to put anyone above myself that I've never seen without shoes.

So please, don't be easy.

It takes a village.

2010-06-03T05:25:00.002+10:00

I grew up in Hawaii. There would be those who would argue that I haven't grown up yet.

I think it's more than age or time that counts for "growing up" and "maturity".
We'll get back to that later on.

Let's talk about being an ousider.

In Hawaii, there is a very large population of immigrants from Asia, the Philippines, Samoa, Tonga, and... you get the picture. And, if you know anything about the culture of those places, you'll know that people are extremely welcoming. You know the song "Southern Voice" by Tim McGraw? There's a line in there: "Howdy y'all//Did ya eat?//Come on in//I'm sure glad to know ya". Many of the women I was priviledged enough to meet and get to know were that way. Many ladies who didn't know me from Adam would say "Oh, honey, come eat".
Even strangers: I was stuck at a bus stop and I started talking to a woman who stayed in Chinatown during the week and went back to Kailua on the weekends called me "baby". People are friendly, and it rubs off on you. You're allowed to hug strangers, and you're allowed to call someone you just met "honey".

Not so back on the mainland, I've found.
I'm white. I don't get the distinction of being 'Irish-American' or 'Anglo-American', or even 'European-American'. Nope, according to all the census forms, standardised tests, and financial aid applications I've filled out, I am white.

I was working at this restaurant in Guam before my family moved back to "the States" (as we called the US in Guam) and I was bussing tables. I loved the job, I loved the place, I loved the people. No problem. So I asked a gentleman how he was doing as I took his finished plates. He said he was doing well, and looked a little perplexed. He asked me if I was the owner's daughter. I said, "Oh, no... she's not around..." and then he asked me the question I had learnt to dread:
"Oh, are you a military dependent?"
There it was.
Yes. I am. My father has served this beautiful country for almost thirty years.
I told the man "Oh, yes, my dad's in the Navy. Er... How could you tell?"
Here it comes...
"Because you're white."
I looked down at my hands sticking out from the long sleeves of my black workshirt, looked at my coworkers in their tanktops, looked back at my hands and said "Really? I couldn't tell. Thank you!". Of course, I said it all in a very joking manner, and we all laughed because it was a pretty lighthearted moment.

However, it does speak back to generalisations and being the obvious outsider and that being really scary. If you go to a new place and you're the obvious "new girl" (a title I finished high school with, along with another girl, having moved the middle of Senior year), it can put your back up. It can make you wonder why you're unhappy.

Thankfully, I made some of the best friends ever the first few weeks I was there, and am proud to call them my fristers.

"It takes a village to raise a kid" is what "they" say. Yeah, it does, and it takes not knowing the steps to appreciate the dance.

That said: good gracious, this is all new.

A thank you.

2010-06-01T12:18:00.002+10:00

Regardless of politics, Memorial Day is what we call Important. With a capital I. It deserves that capital, as well. Today is a day to remember those who gave their lives in service to this beautiful nation, and to pray for those overseas that they won't have to. It's a day to thank, and show appreciation for, those you know (and those you don't know) who have served.

I'd like to just say a huge thank you to the brave men and women serving in the military in the most beautiful country in the world.
And a thank you is not enough for those who gave their lives in service to this country, to protect the freedoms we hold so dear, and to keep us free.

I hope that today (and every day of the year) is peaceful, beautiful, and blessed, especially for these very much unappreciated heroes. God bless them and God bless America.

Actions, Reactions, and Consequences.

2010-05-27T08:50:00.003+10:00

From an early age, we're taught not to behave in certain ways. We're taught to always be polite and always treat people the way we'd like to be treated (ie "with respect").

This holds true until a person is introduced to outside influences. And then all heck breaks loose.

What we all learn, and forget, is that we CAN do whatever we want.
As children:
We CAN climb to the top of the tree. (We CAN fall out of said tree and break both arms.)
We CAN stay up past midnight. (We CAN still get up for school, and end up falling asleep at recess.)

As adults:
We CAN go out and have promiscuous sex. (We CAN get several STDs as we disrespect our bodies.)
We CAN socialise health-care. (We CAN wait six months for medical treatment we needed two weeks ago.)

Adults don't remember that there are consequences to their actions. Adults think for the 'long-term', so their thought process begins with "If I do this" and ends with "in twenty years, this will be the result".

(Personally, I think it's admirable that these people think that they'll be around in twenty years to see their plans -- particularly the health-care one -- fail so miserably. What imaginations they have!)

Children know better. Ask any eight year old: "Hey, why don't you play in the street?" 'Because mommy will yell at me.' "Well, why would she yell at you? You're only playing."
(And if you continue that line of speaking, the child will argue with his or her mother and their mother WILL shout at them, WILL tell you to get off their property, and very well might call the police if you persist talking to their child.)

We need to get back to "what is happening right now". Right now, our world is in turmoil.
We DO need long-term, SUSTAINABLE solutions for our problems.
However, we also have children being brought into this world RIGHT NOW who need somewhere to live RIGHT NOW. If we don't work on our problems for RIGHT NOW, we won't have a future. We won't have children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren onto whom to pass this world. Our descendants will inherit outdated "long-term" solutions, the way we're going.

I recently saw IRONMAN2. I thought it was spectacular. I loved the effects and I loved Robert Downey Jr's performance and I thought it was a fun movie. Those (other than the very last) are not what stuck with me.
What stuck out to me was the legacy (or the duty, however you want to look at it) that Anthony Stark's father, Howard Stark, passed onto him.

Not to give too much away, but Howard Stark never built his greatest invention because he didn't have the technology at the time, so he passed it on to Tony.

It was a very gentle reminder to us all living in the real world. What we can take away from this is that the plans of this time will not be completely effective in the long-term because the world is always changing, technology is always advancing, and we are always growing as individuals. Anything implemented as a long-term solution is not truly sustainable because there is ALWAYS going to be a tomorrow, there is ALWAYS going to be a future, and there is ALWAYS going to be someone out there who can do "it" better.

(Yes: there is always a future. Whether it's for the next five seconds, or the next five-hundred years, there is a future. We all have a past, and we all have a future. Time is a relative issue. In five minutes, the current time will be five minutes past. It's kind of a mind-warp.)

I digress.

We can do whatever we want, we just have to pay the consequences.
Yes, you CAN kill that person stopped in front of you on the expressway. (Yes, you CAN go to jail as a murderer, having just killed some mother's son, some sister's brother, and some daughter's father.)
Yes, you CAN implement a Socialist government. (Yes, you CAN have everything you own taken from you and redistributed to people who've never worked a day in their miserable lives, prompting you to slack off because, HEY, you'll get the same amount of money, right? And then nothing gets done because no one is doing anything.*)

In conclusion:
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and you are responsible for what you do and don't do. And if you don't like it, I suggest you crawl into your own little cave where physics and basic principles don't apply, because this is how the world works, sweetheart.

*For end-game, see: Serenity (2005))

[WARNING] Graphic Language And Ideas Present.

2010-05-01T01:10:00.002+10:00

Dear Weather Channel Hosts;

Do you enjoy shaming your mothers? I mean, you're reporting on the weather. So riddle me this, stupids: WHY ARE YOU DOING POLITICS?

I mean, I know you're run by NBC and stuff, but why can't you just let it be when I'm trying to figure out if I have to watch out for tornadoes or if my family is going to be in the way of foul weather. I don't want to hear about how Big Oil frakked up in their underestimation of the oil spill in the Gulf. Really, I'll watch an actual NEWS channel for that.

Whatever the heck happened to straight-out WEATHER FORECASTING on the weather channel? I don't give two hoots and a hollar about the goshdarned Kentucky Derby going on... I care about the goshdarned WEATHER when I'm watching the WEATHER CHANNEL.

I'm sure your mothers love you.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you've shamed those mothers who bore you and reared you and, were I not a God-fearing woman of principles, I would be tearing you a new one using words I haven't uttered in years.

I hope you're proud of the shame you've brought to your families by sullying a channel supposedly about climate forecast with left-wing political forecast.

You, sirs and ma'ams, should be ashamed of yourselves. You should be lowering your eyes to the FLOOR when neutral parties walk into a room where a recording of you is playing on the television. You should be writhing in AGONY at the weight that should be present on your conscience.

I wish you no ill will. In fact, I hope that you go to church and pray for forgiveness for attempting to indoctrinate children hoping for a snow-day, or old men looking out for their travelling children.

Your mothers love you, and I do, as you're also a child of God.

Thank you.
Miss Cat.

I am not a necessary dissenter,

2010-02-07T20:38:00.004+10:00

I just watched Sarah Palin's speech from the Tea Party Convention.

For those who are in any way unfamiliar with the Tea Party movement and what it really is, I'll attempt to summarise:
Tea Partiers (who the Liberal/Progressive/MSM [choose one, they're all the same] have wrongly called "teabaggers") are everyday American citizens acting upon their ideals and actively creating the change we were promised -- but did not receive -- when Mister Obama campaigned for the Presidency. The Tea Party movement is grounded in fiscal responsibility, Constitutionally limited government, and really going back to basics when it comes to the government and its role in the lives of those it is supposed to be governing.

It doesn't matter where you stand on Governor Palin, I personally think she's neat and a breath of fresh air in the stale cave that Washington and its politics have become.

But there are those who would call Tea Partiers "racist" or "hatemongers" or any number of slanderous and libelious things, simply because these anti-Tea Partiers either disagree or are ignorant to the mission, core values, and/or purpose of the Tea Party Movement.

This is taken directly from the Tea Party Patriot website's* mission statement page [emphasis mine]:
Tea Party Patriots as an organization believes in the Fiscal Responsibility, Constitutionally Limited Government, and Free Markets. Tea Party Patriots, Inc. is a non-partisan grassroots organization of individuals united by our core values derived from the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution of the United States of America and the Bill Of Rights as explained in the Federalist Papers**. We recognize and support the strength of grassroots organization powered by activism and civic responsibility at a local level. We hold that the United States is a republic conceived by its architects as a nation whose people were granted "unalienable rights" by our Creator. Chiefly among these are the rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." The Tea Party Patriots stand with our founders, as heirs to the republic, to claim our rights and duties which preserve their legacy and our own. We hold, as did the founders, that there exists an inherent benefit to our country when private property and prosperity are secured by natural law and the rights of the individual.

Now, I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I'm pretty sure that that was Plain English enough for even an uneducated crazy person like me to understand:
The Tea Party Movement is about ground-level activism and going back to what was written on that piece of paper in 1787 when a bunch of men holed up in that building in Pennsylvania in the middle of Summer and banged that document out. You know... the Constitution? And the one that was written in 1776 that said that "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable*** Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."**** The Declaration of Independence?

Anyone who has seen SchoolHouse Rock in school knows the Preamble to the Constitution, as well:

"We the People [of the United States], in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."*****

That right there? That is what this country was built on. That was the "Mission Statement", the opening remarks, of the Constitution. That was what the Founding Fathers were talking about when they established this country. And this country wasn't founded by men in suits who sought to make money or marginalise the citizens of this nation. Unlike the current administration (and many of those past, don't get me wrong) -- who only care about money -- and the Main-Stream Media (MSM) -- who seek to marginalise those who don't agree with Our Fearless Leader -- the men who laid the foundation for the next 200+ years of this country thought ONLY of making a better place for their families and neighbours and their descendants to live and grow.

So where did we go wrong?

Well, it all started with a little thing called "self-interest". I can hear the Necessary Dissenters now: "But Miss Cat, one could argue that the Framers of the Constitution were acting out of their own self-interest and were looking to make their own lives better. Besides, didn't Thomas Jefferson own slaves and weren't the Republicans of that day and age REALLY the Democrats? OMG ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE A RACIST??? OMG SHE TOTALLY IS. SOMEONE CALL THE NAACP ON HER AND GET HER TO THE NEAREST INDOCTRINATION CENTRE!!!!!"******

(For the record: NO. The Republicans of Days Gone Past were ACTUALLY Republicans and the Democrats ACTUALLY have roots with the KKK.******* I want to know why it always comes back to race when I don't bow to lick Mister Obama's boots.)

Look, right? The Constitution was written as the base for all that this country stands for. We have a strong foundation there. But it seems that this administration, and those gone past*********, seem to want to build towers and turrets kind off off to the side and over that-a-way and really not attached too well to anything connected to the foundation upon which we're supposed to be building. We've got this tenuous connection to the principles upon which this great country was built, and it's not going to be too long until this tower we've allowed to be built (and helped build with our tax dollars and our bare hands) comes crumbling down and we're FORCED to go back to the main principles we should have been building on these many, many years, or it becomes an unrecognisable structure, bastardised and supported only by the once-grand, but poory-built houses of cards Mister Obama seems to value above his own country.

Is that what we want? Being shocked back into our senses when it's too late to salvage anything resembling order? Socialism under the guise of "Enlightenment"? Or falling so far that we lose all of our rights and are forced into servitude by nations we once counted as allies?

Or is there another choice? A choice that takes us back to where we came from? A choice that takes us back to the values upon which this great nation was founded and forged? A choice that strips back the overhead and over-complicated beauracracy to a place where the current status quo has no place?

Is there a choice like that?

Yes. It's called Doing Something About It. It's called getting off your bum and taking a stand. It's called talking. It's called activism. It's called getting together with people who are also Doing Something About It and letting the people YOU voted into office know that the unConstitutional principles which they are touting as "truth" and "hope" and "change" are unacceptable. Doing Something About it is We The People getting together and working toward a better world, and not waiting on the world to change.

We are the only ones who can change the world. If we don't change it, someone else will, and it may not change in the direction we want to go. It is, in fact, our own goshdarned fault that this country is in as bad a shape as it is in and is US who need to work toward the change that we need. Obamessiah? No. We The People. We The People of The United States need to fix this. We The People need to get off our collective bums and fix what's going wrong with our country and not count on the people in office to do it for us.

Who puts them in office? WE DO. They don't just magically appear there like the money in the Magical Pot of Money called The Federal Reserve. We are the ones who put the politicians we despise in office, and it's our fault, so we need to take responsibility for our actions and do something about it.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what the Tea Party Movement is all about.
It's not about partisan politics. It's not about money for lobbyist groups. It's not about race, religion, or personal philosophy.
It's about tearing down the piss-poor construction job on this we have done in the past hundred or so years and rebuilding ourselves upon the foundation which we were given. It's about Doing Something About It when we don't like the way something is going. It's about hard work and working for something worthy. It's about believing in actual change, and not just nominal change.

Thank you.

_{*Tea Party Patriots: Official Home of the American Tea Party Movement.

**Read the Federalist Papers here

***Define:unalienable - "incapable of being repudiated or transferred to another" (source)

****Read the Declaration of Independence.

*****Read the US Constitution.

******I keep telling my dad that the only reason I haven't been black-bagged by the government is because they can easily write me off as a mentally unstable, undereducated, overprivileged middle-class white girl with a martyr complex.

*******Carter's Cover Up, Back to the Future - Racist Democrats, White Guilt 101, Black Legion of Superheroes.
Kevin Jackson is awesome. Read his site, TheBlackSphere.net, and marvel. He's also got a book out called The BIG Black Lie: How I Learned The Truth About The Democrat Party. Oddly enough, no one else seems to want to talk about that.

********Don't misunderstand. This "truth" and "hope" and "change" -y thing isn't just a Current Administration problem. As much as I dislike Mister Obama, he's not the first to betray the American people and do something stupid like Obamacare. Woodrow Wilson started the Federal Reserve. The Fed, as we call it around here, makes money out of nothing and is the reason we're broke. Franklin D Roosevelt started Social Security as a temporary measure. Social Security, if you read the Constitution, is unConstitutional. And then you've got Lyndon B Johnson who decided that Medicare and Medicaid would be nifty ideas. Those are also unConstitutional and really shouldn't be in effect. But they are because we've grown familiar with the status quo and allowed it to wrap its little wires and whatnot all into our nervous system like the Borg or the Matrix so we've come to accept Medicare/Medicaid/SocialSecurity as our due and as something completely normal. In point of fact: we shouldn't even be paying into them at all if we're reading the Constitution.}

I don't even LIKE going to parties.

2010-01-19T09:53:00.005+10:00

I really don't like talking about politics. Really, I don't. Just like I don't like talking about the weather, and just like I don't like talking about religion with my non-religious friends. So I very rarely talk about politics because it seems that I surround myself with people whose views are the exact opposite of mine. When this happens, it's usually sheer numbers of liberal views against my very conservative ones and I just say "Whatever" so that we can all shut up and get back to being agreeable. The few conservative individuals I've spoken to in some capacity revile me just as much as strangers who don't share my views do. Which is kind of funny because we more than often have the exact same views on ninety-four percent of the issues.

I think that has something to do with the fact that I refuse to say "I'm a Republican". I tried that a few years ago, only to find out that there were just as many corrupt politicians in one party as in the other. Now (since I've been able to Google political parties and lay my eyes on an actual voter's card), I don't identify with either "major" party. If anything, I consider myself a Libertarian. A very conservative one, but a Libertarian nonetheless. And I don't necessarily agree with everything going on in the party, but I don't feel attacked when I don't readily agree with absolutely everyone-omg-isn't-it-great-we-have-this-party-guys? And I don't have to agree with everything going on in the party. I guess you'd say that I'm an Independent because I disdain all parties.

Everywhere I look, I see politics. I hear about politics. I turn on the news and there's coverage on Haiti (which is an absolute tragedy, please don't misunderstand) with both parties mudslinging. Grown men and women cat-fighting and sniping at each other and ignoring the fact that people are dead.

How much money do these politicians get paid, anyway? Enough to put up mistresses in some condo down in Florida, and more, I'd wager. Why not have every politician in Washington donate fifteen-hundred dollars of their salary this month to a Haiti relief fund? Oh... wait... they have to fund their self-righteousness with hybrid cars and siphon money into their off-shore accounts. I forgot. Silly me.

I don't put much stock in government aid. I don't think it's the government's job to provide aid to every Joe Somebody who puts their cap out. I believe in private charity, as it seems that the private sector and private charities are much more adept at the distribution of funds and goods. It also seems to be that non-profit private charities have more money than the government, and they're not funded by tax-payer dollars.

This is in contrast to the government, who get their money from the money that tax-payers pay. Funny, isn't it? Maybe they should do a bake-sale to raise money for the multi-trillion dollar deficit? Or a car-wash or something, I don't know. I just know that every time a "normal" group of People Who Need Money get together, they invariably do a bake-sale or a car-wash. Or they get actual jobs that pay. But that'd just be silly.

As it is, Washington itself is kind of like those clubs in high school who were constantly fundraising because they had an inadequate treasurer and president and they weren't upholding the club's constitution.
...Wait a minute...

I was actually a member of one of those clubs my junior year. I was one of the "executives". And then the president wasn't doing his job and no one else was doing their job, so I said "screw it" and that was the end of it. (I also had a pretty fantastic and emotional event take place and I basically said "screw life" and wanted to move to Iceland because I was fed up with everyone I knew, but that's not the point.) We even paid dues in this club! Alright, it was like ten dollars or something to join, but still... that was ten sodas from the machine, or money we could have used for lunch. Or at Jack-in-the-Box down the road. Or Starbucks.

I digress.

Politics is JUST like high school. Rumour fly, hair gets pulled, and (before you know it) someone is getting their trousers pulled down in front of the cafeteria and you've got the Sharks and the Jets about to rumble in the car-park and everyone is gathered to watch because this is the most exciting thing that's happened. Of course, the seniors and juniors are just like "whatever" because this crap happened their freshman and sophomore years and they've got more important things to take care of. Because this happens every four years. Or two years, depending on the size of your school and the cattiness of the student body.
...Wait a minute...

"Partisan politics" has become synonymous with "politics". It doesn't matter what your actual ideals are because we all know that "Liberal" means "Democrat" and "Conservative" means "Republican". Everyone is familiar with those two parties. When you ask someone their political affiliation, you're more likely to say "Are you a Republican or a Democrat?" than "Are you Conservative, or are you Liberal?" because the former sounds intelligent and the latter sounds too simple and frank.

I remember the commercial for the walkie-talkie on the phone. "If firemen ran the country"? Everything was straightforward and simple.
Not so with Congress. It doesn't matter if we don't WANT to watch the proceedings going on, but we'd like to have the option of knowing what the good-gosh-darned-heck our elected officials are doing when they're deciding how to spend our money and run our lives. No one ever says that they have "average citizens'" best interest at heart. That's something that we should be able to take for granted, but it's simply not true. The politicians in Washington care more about their political parties than they do abut the people who elected them.

In my opinion, we need more simplicity in our politics. No playing daes dae'mar, no manoeuvring for personal interests. It'd be great if everyone in Washington could just be quiet for a little while and get it together and do what's best for the citizens of this country. I really don't think that will happen, though, because everyone in office is secretly a high-schooler trying to get the popular kids to notice them so that they have a "better" place to sit at lunch.

Of course, what no one's telling anyone, is that the popular kids are cheating on tests and paying off the teachers to get better grades.

Love, actually.

2009-12-24T00:15:00.004+10:00

There's a lot of pressure to say "happy holidays" or have a "holiday party" (vice the "Christmas party" of days past).

Am I aware that there is, indeed, more than one holiday that traditionally falls in December? Absolutely. Do I recognise that Chanukah and Yule and non-Christian holidays are, indeed, present? Yes, I do.

That does not mean, however, that I'm not going to wish someone a Happy Christmas after they wish me a "Happy Holidays".

Sure, chalk it up to my religion (Roman Catholic) or my political leanings (pro-life, pro-family, pro-military, pro-business, pro-job, pro-government reform with Libertarian principles somewhere in realm of "conservative"), or whatever helps you sleep at night.

The fact of the matter is that we don't go "holiday" shopping. Y'all, we go "Christmas shopping" and send out "Christmas cards" and buy "Christmas stockings". How many children are opening their stockings on Secular Reception-of-Presents day? Take out the sock and you've got a birthday! Take out Jesus and you've got... not much. (Spare the "Oh, but there's Yule!! That's a valid holiday! What about Chanukah? (And why are you spelling it with a C??? CNN TOLD ME IT WAS HANUKKAH!!!) Or Kwanzaa? (OMG ARE YOU AN ANTI-SEMITIC RACIST?? DO YOU VOTE REPUBLICAN, AS WELL????) And what about the traditional meals and exchanging of presents and the togetherness and the singing! DON'T FORGET THE SINGING! THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! It's all about food, presents, candy, and the good ol' Festivus spirit!" for someone who actually really does care. Unfortunately for those holding the "but it's holiday spirit" sentiments, I really don't give a good-gosh-darned-hoot-and-holler.)

Christmas, though, IS a birthday. It's the birth of Jesus that most people are celebrating ("Christians stole it from the Pagans, yadda yadda yadda, Christians cause war, John Lennon said so... blah blah blah, DIE CAPITALIST/IMPERIALIST/CONSUMERIST/CHRISTIAN/MONOTHEISTIC [pick one] SWINE!!!" et al, ad nauseum) and it's this that brings people flooding en mass to churches around the world and it's this that causes that great surge of feasting and joy and... dare I say?... love?

There's a reason that there've been so many films made about Christmas, and why the best and most popular are about the Christmas spirit... not the "holiday spirit". Maybe the "spirit of the holiday", but that "holiday" is Christmas. It's not a dirty word, my dear, it's alright to say "Christmas". Really, no one will hurt you, you're safe.

So what makes Christmas?
Is it the presents, snow, and mistletoe? Is it the tree? Is it the really great fruitcake?
That's up to you. Everyone has their own traditions and beliefs. For every person out there, there are that many different systems of belief.

I don't really care about presents. I asked for a kitchen gadget this year, and that was it. I've also lived on islands most of my life. The only times I've seen snow were when I visited my grandparents. As for the mistletoe... No thanks. The tree I can do without (though it is mighty pretty once it's all lit-up and decorated) and the fruitcake usually needs a few days to properly soak and ferment before I'll eat it.
For me, Christmas is about love. It's about God's love and it's about the love I have for my family and extended family and network of friends. For me, Christmas is waking up on that morning and having that day with my family and that sense of love that permeates the day. It's -- to me -- about filling myself with love for my fellow man and for my (very tolerant, very forgiving, and all-around indescribable) God.

I guess when it gets down to it... to the bare bones... to the meaning of Christ's birth... Christmas is REALLY about love, actually.

I don't think I'll attempt to change that.

I've got Christmas to celebrate and scarves to knit and a house to clean.

Have a happy Christmas and a blessed New Year.

Where does that leave us, then?

2009-11-30T16:35:00.002+10:00

It's kind of weird. I've been Writing About Myself On The Interwebs (as would be an appropriate way of putting it) for going on six years. In that time, I've met and spoken to some really lovely people -- people I'm glad to have met, or was glad to have in my life at some point.

I was going through my 'friends list' on LiveJournal and I realised I couldn't remember one girl's name. Going back through my files, I'm not sure we ever exchanged names.

Sometimes you have to wonder if heartbreak is ever worth it. Not just the 'romantic' type, either. The absolute devastation when you realise after a while that certain friends have outgrown you, or you've outgrown certain friends. This, I think, is one of the few things that really scares me. And it doesn't truly matter how old you are, or how long you've known each other when you've grown apart from someone... sometimes things just don't 'work out' the way you want them to. Sometimes it's best to let go of those people -- those emotions -- and sort of grab a tighter hold on yourself. Not because you no longer like or love these friends, but because it's what's best for you... or because it's what's best for them.

Then you have to ask yourself whether you really did ever love that person or those people. You doubt yourself because you don't want to admit that you can stop loving someone because that means that someone could stop loving you. That's not a fun possibility. To look at it another way, there's the "love changes" concept. There's the idea that love itself is an energy which can neither be created nor destroyed, but which may change when acted upon.

There will be times when I'll have to make decisions based on what's right for others instead of what's right for myself. There will also be times I'll have to be selfish in order to grow up or move on or whatever it is that I'm trying to accomplish.

The big 'issue' with that, I suppose, is this: where do you draw the line? Where does 'taking care of yourself' become 'selfishness', and where does 'helping others' become 'running yourself ragged'? When did we start putting a price on helping people who need help? When did we start putting 'minimum donation' on charity? When did that start becoming necessary? Why are any of these questions relevant?

Idle hands are the devil's playground and idle talk is the devil's doing. That's my opinion. Idle "I love you"s when you don't mean it at all, or talk for the sake of talk. Gossip and all of those nasty habits we learn from age-whatever don't ever help us. To me, that seems to be why we rely so much on technology. While the internet is so open and like a great big ocean of death and ruined reputations, everyone's here and everyone is technically anonymous. We can trash-talk our best friends and no one is going to say anything because it's none of their business, but then it's still everyone's business.

Something to ask people when you get the "it's not you, it's me" talk (or the "it's really you, it's definitely not me" talk), is "So what would you like to do about this?". If you honestly love someone, fight for them. You'd want someone to fight for you, so fight for those you love.

Stranger's Perspective

2009-11-23T06:30:00.003+10:00

Sometimes, it's difficult to view yourself from a stranger's perspective. Oftentimes, the reason is arrogance, or a "don't judge me" attitude. I usually look inwards, at what I think I'm doing, or where I think I'm going, or at what I can (or, likely, should) change about myself. It's "omg so hard!" to switch that perspective because you're so close to yourself (if that makes sense).

The best way for me to describe it would be for an artist to look at a piece of art. Whether you're a writer, painter, sculptor, musician... anything... you're always blind to your work. It doesn't matter how many people love it because you may think it's absolute rubbish. Conversely, you may defend your work with more voracity than you would another piece of work because it's your work. Do you see? You're 'too close' to the 'project'. In this case, the work of art is yourself.

Personally, I had a difficult time looking at myself honestly. I was never pretty enough, smart enough, or anything enough to suit me. I finally realised after years of angsting over myself that I was, in fact, pretty and -- if not actually 'smart' -- half-way intelligent. I had to convince myself that I was "good" enough to be happy. And that didn't bring me any sort of happiness, let me tell you internet.

Instead of feeling liberated, I felt naked. I felt wronged, in some way, because I had been so caught up on myself that I failed to see those around me, and how I affected them. This past year hasn't exactly been the best for personal relationships or familial relationships. I've lost more than I've gained. I won't say that it doesn't hurt, or doesn't make me sad. What I will say is that I have no regrets.

What is regret but wasted emotion? You spend all your time loving someone, making something, not loving someone, not making something... whatever it was that you were or weren't doing... and then you're expected to discount your actions to the point where you "regret". You can't change the past, but you can create a future. You can recognise what you did that wasn't on par with what you probably should have been doing, and you can learn from your past. That's what it's there for, that's why it's past. There's no use trying to change it. What happens, happens. Who are we to try to plaster those holes?

I talk about regret a lot. I talk about how wanting something else to have happened instead of what did is useless. Do I wish that things in my past hadn't happened? Absolutely. ("I wish that I'd listened to my maternal grandparents more before they passed away." "I wish that maybe I hadn't lacked the stoicity to be done with boys I've dated." "I wish that maybe I hadn't had that whole bottle of wine last night.") I'm sorry that things have happened the way they did. I'm sorry about a lot of stuff. I feel shamed about a lot of stuff, because it brings shame to my family, as well. But who I am, where I am, what I am... is all a product of my actions. And I'm in a pretty good place. It could be better, but without "better", what's the rest of your life for?

-

Sometimes, it feels like I put too much of myself out there. Sometimes it feels like not enough. Too much, because I have an overwhelming feeling of "being responsible" for others, and not enough because it still does no good. The only thing I can do for others is be there and keep them honest.

What is honesty, though? What does "keep them honest" mean? Is that supposed to mean that I stop people when they're talking and say "You're a lying liar who lies like a dog"? Or is that something more subtle? Is that an example others are supposed to follow?

It kind of reminds me of Carrot in the Discworld Series. He's got "bags of krisma" and personality and treats everyone "like they're jolly good chaps". In turn, even the most notorious of criminals in his city don't want to let Carrot down. Because CARROT is such a great guy.

What I think is that we should take this character and attempt to learn from his example. We should be fundamentally good people and be honest and kind and just good so that others will take that example and run with it.

That's the best way to keep people honest.

But what do I know? I'm a stranger.

Everyone you ever were made you who you are today.

2009-10-17T01:01:00.003+10:00

Sometimes, I'm not sure what 'reality' is. I'll be doing something completely ordinary, and then get a 'flash' (as I call them) of myself from another person's perspective. My own idiosyncracies often count for nothing among strangers, though my close friends know when I've reached the end of my tether (which hardly happens, as I keep a firm rein on my anger and emotions most of the time, starting not too long ago).

I'll be having a conversation and I'll see myself even more clearly from someone else's perspective. It's... intimidating. To know so many of your own shortcomings, and then have so much else bared to you and to see how ridiculous you look from outside your eyes. I try to welcome these moments, take a step back, and re-think my actions and the possible outcomes. The past few weeks, I've been trying for a more circumspect lifestyle and a less impulsive one. Instead of drafting an actual email to an old friend about how I feel hurt or betrayed by actions they took, I stop and amend my thoughts with the statement "I understand clearly that you thought you were doing what was best for both of us, however..." and carry on in that train.

It takes more than anyone's eyes are worth for me to lose my temper. I've made a conscious decision to be less emotional and to not let anything faze me. If I do, how am I supposed to look at situations objectively and make an informed decision. Personally, I think that's where my Faith (with a capital F) comes into play. My faith in God and in the people around me, my faith that everything happens for a reason and that every bad situation or "bad luck day" has a greater purpose than to make everyone miserable. I've witnessed the balance of my worst days with my best friends' best days. Everything that has happened to me or around me or because of me, has happened for a bigger reason. Whether that reason was a push in a healthy direction, a catalyst to moving on in life, or simply a stepping-block to a different lifestyle, who I am and what I do affects those around me more than I will realise in the moment.

That said, there are times when I'll make a decision to do something (or not do something, as is more common, as I am not perfect) and will immediately think "This will really affect me later on". Whether I rectify my actions is another story. Sometimes, it's too late to do anything. Sometimes, there isn't a way back. Most of the time, going back serves no purpose but to exacerbate the worse parts of life.

That's something I'm slowly (but definitely surely) learning. How to pick myself up and correct my mistakes without going back. I try to moderate myself, lately, to make myself think before I speak or act. I'm not a trained "anything", so my behaviours are based solely on what I think is appropriate at any given moment, based on social cues of past similar situations.

One action I find nearly impossible is to maintain anger. A brief flash of anger, an unmeasured statement, and then... I'm not angry. I can't be angry. There's no need for anger, or ever an appropriate situation where anger would be the key to unlocking any mystery or solving any puzzle. A cool head, a cool tone, a cool demeanour, often warrant a greater response than white-hot anger. There's no call for it, see?

The hardest part of anything is not being afraid to be yourself, no matter what the cost to your so-called 'dignity'.

Peace.

'never give up on something that made you smile'

2009-09-08T10:20:00.002+10:00

I don't smile enough. Of course, no one can smile "enough", so maybe it doesn't matter if you do or do not.

You just have to try.

I'm visiting Tokyo for the next five days.
I'm deleting my Facebook.
I'm cutting ties.

Nothing ever feels good, but it's up to you to make yourself happy. No one can do it for you.

New Things

2009-09-03T22:27:00.002+10:00

I like what I like. If someone introduces me to a new band or food or something, and I like it, then I like it. It's not about what's popular or new, to me. It's so much more about liking what I like. I'm sometimes not open to "new experiences", but I learn what I like without throwing myself headfirst into a pit of piranhas, you could say.

And, like everyone, my taste changes. Quite a bit.

I spent twelve years in Hawaii and enjoyed it.
And I never want to move back.

There's so much that I've done and haven't done there, but I really think that it's time for me to move on from that part of the world. I LOVE Hawaii and will never forget it. I just don't want to live somewhere for the rest of my life. I don't want to be completely tied down to something. I change so much on a monthly basis, just in philosophy, I don't think I could live somewhere for that long again. There's so much... MORE... to the world than I had there. And while I love the people there and will try my best to keep in contact with my close friends who remain there... I don't want to go back.

This guy I used to date joined the Navy right after I left for Guam in January 2008, and shipped out last October/November. He and I were talking and he was talking about moving back to Hawaii after boot camp and A-school... and I convinced him not to. My mum is a big fan of the phrase "You join the military to see the world", but that wasn't the reason I pleaded with him NOT to move back to Hawaii.

When you spend time somewhere, you leave a part of yourself behind. If you leave for less than a year, and then move back, you fall into the same things you were doing before you left, regardless of what's changed about you.

Maybe you'd call me selfish for reasoning with him over something that is quite obviously his choice and impacts his career and has a greater effect on him than it does on me, and I wouldn't blame you. And you'd call me arrogant the moment I expressed that I felt that I knew that it wasn't a good idea.

I'm one of those odd, strange, difficult people who wants the best for her friends. I'm not saying that I'm impervious to making mistakes, or that I've never been hypocritical or that I've never been stupid when it's come to a person I cared about. Maybe I was arrogant or wrong when I advised this ex-boyfriend to stay away from Hawaii for a few years. I'll admit that. I wanted what I thought was best for him, and what I thought was best (as a friend, girlfriend, and "Good Influence") was for him to be somewhere other than Hawaii. He eventually agreed and took my advice and I hope that it turns out to be the right thing for him in the long run regarding his career, and I hope that he's doing really well right now.

I tend to think of myself as "right". I usually think that I'm correct in pretty much everything. It's a personality flaw.

To get back to my point: I don't want to go back to Hawaii. I feel like I'd be moving backwards in my growth, you know?

So I've decided that I don't ever want to live in the same place twice (or, thrice) again. I'll keep moving until I'm too happy to be somewhere.

I don't mind new things. It stands to reason that, because my love life is non-existent, I'm not completely satisfied with my life, and I don't know what lasting happiness feels like, that I could stand for some new experiences. I'm not so much uncomfortable in new experiences as much as I'm too busy thinking "What the hell, this is like a film and sooner or later some plot twist is going to come up and this whole thing is going to come falling down around your ears and you're going to go crawling home with a broken back because you were too dumb to just stay home and study the flying patterns of the bees..." or something.

So... Peace.

Somehow, everything will end how it must.

2009-07-10T16:19:00.002+10:00

I was newly-eleven when my gram died. I sat side-ways in the bucket-seat of the backseat of the van and looked out the window at the Rhode Island country. I think I had chamomile tea one day as we drove up from our house in Connecticut, because I remember that I fell asleep... this was the year before when my grampy died. And the same brain-fuzz came over me as we drove up. And I sat side-ways in the bucket-seat of the back of the van on the way to the house my mother grew up in, now called my mother's brother's house instead of "Olive's house", as it had been the year before, when my grampy died. Respect for the dead, or just not wanting to have to imagine the dead retaining something many of the living do not, even if the dead have heirs to inherit.

Two deaths in a year and there's still a chasm between the time before my gram died and the time I returned to school two weeks later.

My hair's been cut. I quit my job last month. I ended it for good with my no-longer-actual-boyfriend-but-somehow-still-is-there-boyfriend.

May be moving soonish.
Let me not be stupid.

I live in beauty. But only on Thursdays.

2009-05-29T21:46:00.002+10:00

So a couple of days ago I put a crack in my laptop display. One single crack diagonally across the super-awesome hi-res screen I have come to love like a child. I very nearly cried.

So I took it into the computer repair place yesterday and they said "We don't have the right size display, but if you order it, we can totally put it in for you and you can give us your moneys for it". Unfortunately, it seems that the display runs about... 350$. Oh yeah. Plus shipping and handling and all that crazy crap. And then I don't even know if I'm looking at the right thing because I'm absolute bollocks when it comes to computer-putting-together-stuff (also with sentence-putting-together-stuff, obviously). And THEN I saw the cutest little laptops EVER. EVER.

So for four-hundred, I can get my current laptop fixed and repaired and it'll be shiny and I'll be able to see my whole screen.
Or I can get a new laptop entirely for about five hundred. It'd be about two-thirds the size of this beast, have a webcam and microphone built in (which this one does not, unfortunately). But it wouldn't run Vista and I am a Vista whore. (Yeah, I'm one of those PC people. Vista is awesome, in my opinion, and I'd rather customise, upgrade, and all that happy crap than have a standard Mac whatever thing. Everyone knows all Mac-users go to Hell, anyway.)

So I'm conflicted.

Also: I need a new job. Hurrah.

Oh. And I've seen Star Trek twice already. And will be going again this weekend. And cry like a little girl when I do. Because I sobbed this last time. Seriously. My dad looked over at me and said "Pull it together. Man up, woman".

I went to the grocery store today with my parents and was told "Get some fruit, then whatever you want in the produce section". Honestly, that was the best thing they could have said because I spent almost half an hour squeezing citrus, cucumbers, and capsicum, allowing them to go through the aisles without asking the inevitable "Do we need anything down here?". (Most dangerous question on the planet, that.)
But we got out of there pretty quickly. Dad had worked for almost three days straight, so he found this amusing.
[Int. Supermarket. Toilet-paper, paper-towel, and bin-bag aisle.]
Mum: Ooer! Trashbags!
Me: Get the white ones!
[scene]

And "Do you want any flavoured cream cheese?".

I just spent the last two hours watching old "Any Dream Will Do" performances. Honestly, I've never been so impressed by male vocalists in my life. I'm used to mostly-untrained vocals, or vocals that were trained after the fact, but I've not really spent much time listening to men who've spent years working on their tone and pitch before they started performing on stage. It's bizarre to me, almost, how great they sound. They kind of make me want to stop singing for the rest of my life.

It's been a long month.

For some people, love is like money: the more they have of it, the less it begins to mean to them.

"Ma'am, I would suggest Googling it."

2009-04-29T21:42:00.003+10:00

Cable has been sporadic today, so this post has been... yeah.

Anyway.

I've survived my first pay-period at work. It was kind of awesome. I also made my First Ever Adult Purchase: my own actual mobile phone. In my name, on my card, paid for with my money.
It? Is pink and awesome.
Like me. Only I'm, yanno, not pink.
I'm super-excited about it.

Cable is out right now, meaning that my writing this is about the only interesting thing I'm capable of doing with the internet at the moment. It's not even that interesting, either, as this is rather like a... whaddyacall... New Document in the thing... with the words... word-processor or sommat.

Oh yes... so very eloquent, ma'am.

So I started work a couple of weeks ago. It's kind of great. I work at a vegetarian grocery store. It's great. I also get lunch everyday, courtesy of the lunch-counter in the front of the store, next to the register, which is what I ring up every day. Which is where I may be found five days a week, mostly between the hours of eleven and two, but also before and after that on Mondays and Fridays. How splendid.

I actually really love my job. I love being friendly to people. It's such a nice change from being a complete and utter nutter and hermit. I kid thee not, it's easier than curling up and screaming "I HATE YOU ALL" at the top of my lungs every morning. And I get paid for doing something I've discovered I'm good at. Go figure.

Unfortunately, I don't drive. Still. Deficiency, thy name is me.
However, I should be starting lessons soon. Ish. Maybe. Because I could have my license by December if I play my cards right. And if I can get everything done YESTERDAY.
Because Guam is weird in that it takes about a year to get a full license.
Uh... yeah. Whether you're sixteen or one-hundred and sixty or anywhere in between. Seriously. And they want to make the laws stricter about it.
Hoops: It is time to jump through them like a trained seal.
(I would say "trained tiger", but I disapprove of performing animals in general and it seems that seals/sea-lions are treated the best of the lot, even if they are made to do the most ridiculous of unnatural stunts.)

Oh dear... I do think it's rubbed off on me.

One of my duties at the store is to stock PETA and SDA pamphlets in the dining-area. Unfortunately, I do not approve of PETA in general (something about 98% of adoptable animals being euthanaised... What? And the marketing to children... Which is absolutely disgusting to me because of the mass propaganda and half-truths being sold to these impressionable minds... for free), and I'm not a member of the SDA church. (I don't mind stocking SDA pamphlets. Mostly because the store is owned and run by the SDA and there are quite a few pamphlets about suicide prevention, being smart about dating, and not getting discouraged in this financial down-swing. I rather like that.)

And about PETA:
I'm not a vegetarian. Plain and simple. I did it for a few months, got sick, and started eating meat. I respect vegetarianism, yanno? There are definite health-benefits if done properly (and if you're not loading yourself with chemicals to make the food meat-flavoured... that baffles me) and all that.
And I love animals. Seriously. I have chickens in my back garden and two cats who have taken over my house, heart, and closet (thank goodness for lint-rollers and dryer-sheets). If I see an animal, I usually try to cutesy-talk it (unless said animal is attempting to bite my face off... or is a large dog not on a leash and with a penchant for attempting to eat the tires on the truck... yeah...) and pet it and whatnot.
And yeah. I eat cow, pig, and chicken. I've also been known to eat lamb. And buffalo.
The thing is... these animals were bred for this. Most farmers treat their livestock very well. Because the livestock are the source of income for these farmers.
Should the animals be treated with respect before they are humanely slaughtered? Of course. Of course they should. (Viva la Kosher beef, &c.)
But to use "shock tactics" to say "Don't eat meat, this is where it comes from!" to people, using pictures of "farms" that've probably been shut down by SPCA (who... actually DO get their animals adopted by people, oddly... hmm) for animal cruelty (YES, THAT IS WHAT THE SPCA IS HERE FOR!)... that's going overboard. Especially when CHILDREN view the images. On the internet. With parental consent, supervision, and trust.

I'm definitely not saying "OMG CENSOR THE INTERNETS!!!!11". Because I like the internets. I like being able to find stuff. I like being able to say stuff on the internets and not care that some bloke in a bad suit is going to come black-bag me and torture me for speaking out against the government and planting evidence of terrorism, treason, and really bad skin all over my house. Simply because SOMEONE doesn't like the way I think.
What I am saying is: be tasteful in your child-aimed pamphlets and whatnot. Because I will find out and complain. And I'm damn good at complaining about stuff I have no business complaining about.

So yeah... frigging adopt animals.
And support the SPCA. Because, seriously, I've been to some really amazing SPCA shelters. And the WSPCA has done awesome work all over the world to end some of the more horrific animal cruelty out there. (Their commercials make me cry like a kid without a lollipop at the doctor's.)
Seriously. Time, money, supplies... whatever. Adopt, foster, visit... it doesn't take very long. A couple of hours a week at a shelter, just sitting with the cats or walking the dogs goes a long way to facilitate the adoption process.

And if the spirit moves you... don't eat meat. Or eat meat. Or only eat meat on Thursdays when it rains. Or don't eat meat only on Thursdays when it rains.
It doesn't matter to me.
But seriously? Don't be a douche about your vegetarianism/omnivorism [delete as appropriate]. Don't get all self-righteous at me, citing the Bible as a reference. I'll cite you right back from the same book, a few verses before you, and probably pwn your bottom simply because I'll look cuter doing it. And won't have shoved it in your face to begin with.

Animals? I love animals.
Cats, dogs (as long as they don't... drool... on me), cows, horses, pigs, manatees, chickens, fish, eels, geese, gorillas, lemurs, platypuses... I love them all. The weirder, the better.
But I'll also eat meat if it's put in front of me. Regardless of where it came from. It's dead. I'm not going to stand on principle and say "ZOMG IT WAS SLAUGHTERED INHUMANELY THEREFORE I WILL GO HUNGRY UNTIL I GET SOME ETHICALLY-TREATED MEAT!!!11". I sit down, shut up, and eat my food. Because I may have to go hungry tomorrow. Fact. Of. Life.
(I do draw the line at modern cadavers. I know what people eat. That's just icky. Maybe if I didn't know.)

Anyway.
A lot of my job has to do with answering phones and questions. So I get a lot of questions like "Do you carry [insert product]?". But sometimes we get people seeking nutrition advice and dieting advice. When this happens, something like "Fibre... can I find that in like... a powder?" is easy to answer. Something like "Gluten-fre flour... what it that?" will get a "Ma'am, some people are allergic to gluten, and have a disease called Celiac. We carry many allergen-free foods, and gluten-free flour happens to be one of them". That sometimes leads to another question, such as: "Is that better for diabetics?". When I can't answer a question, my first instinct is to ask my boss. If my boss doesn't know, we use the old stand-by:
"Ma'am, I don't know. I would suggest Googling it."
Especially when we get the "I can't see my doctor about it because he's not homoeopathic!"
...
"Ma'am, you may still want to consult your doctor. I am not a medical professional and I am not certified to answer any health-related questions. If you're unsure, I would suggest Googling it."
Also:
"Do you all have a diet-plan?"
"No, ma'am. However, you could Google a healthy-eating diet and probably find many websites with appropriate support groups to help you along your way. Good luck and thank you for calling".
I'm good for questions about colon cleansing, detoxification, and "Is this organic/natural/raw?". Mostly because the raw/organic/natural is on the packaging. And my father went on a detoxification regime a couple of years ago and I learnt more about the human digestive system I really wanted to know. So, yeah, "I can recommend the CS Detox tea. Because I've had it. And that colon cleanse? In the white container? Seriously works, but I wouldn't recommend that if you're 'just' constipated, because that can seriously mess up your social life." Just saying.

I honestly love my job. I love what I do. And I love the twenty-five percent discount I get.

Flash-Bang.

2008-11-15T11:41:00.001+10:00

Life, relationships, and sex are less about chemistry than they are about gravity, astronomy, and the physics thereof.

Two bodies attracted to each other, less force on each other the further away they are. Move them closer and the attraction is stronger. They circle and orbit, spiralling inward until they collide. 'Bang, energy.'

Bodies in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force? Two people are in this great relationship. They'll stay in that great relationship until change takes place. Basic relationship sense. The change could be 'growing up' or 'growing apart' or that ever-pesky 'infidelity'. Whatever the reason, the two bodies have changed course.

The hotter a star is, the more energy it expends. The hotter is burns, the faster it burns out. The cooler it is, the slower it burns out. It may not burn out for several billion years due to the fact that it expends almost no energy in its burning.
The same can be said for a relationship. A very intense relationship will burn out very quickly or peter down to a simmer because all of the energy is expended very quickly in a short amount of time.

There's so much else that I can say on this subject. I'm neither educated enough nor unbusy enough to do so, though.

October is not red or blue, Country is good, Positivity, and Suing God.

2008-10-16T09:40:00.000+10:00

October is amazing. Definitely not blue, that's for certain.

I've been listening to country music and I think I've finally found part of what I was missing. I really just hope that I can pull it all together.

For some reason, I'm really happy. I'm just... I'm good. Positivity doesn't suit me much, but I'm learning to change my outlook. It's easier than it should be, I suppose.

News:
Suit against God thrown out.

Yes. That did just happen.

Sentiments, 10/35, and Reloading prayers.

2008-09-30T14:45:00.001+10:00

It's kind of strange to listen to music and think about the people you used to be. My sister's reading this book called 'The 10 Women You'll Be Before You're 35' and the title really sticks with me. We change at different rates and for different reasons. Whether it's from age or necessity or traumatic events or joyful events or all of the above or [insert reason here], we change. No one is static.

I had a birthday about two weeks ago. It was pretty... interesting.

I'm composing paragraphs and storylines without a pen or paper. Bad idea, yes?

"Whenever I re-load, he's on top and I can't help but feel that it's a sign. Oh God, grant me peace so that I may find strength within myself to love myself enough to clear out the cupboard in my head of photographs and words. Grant me patience so that I may not have to do this all in one go. Help me persevere because I can't do this alone."

Everything happens for a reason, you know? Life ends or goes on. Chaos and loaded consciences. It's pretty reasonable.

Sleeping paranoia and Pre-existing death.

2008-09-06T19:23:00.000+10:00

I've been trying to find a way to sleep at night that doesn't involve sleeping. That doesn't really make sense, but neither does going to the cinema or dinner alone.

For some reason, I've become really paranoid. It doesn't negatively affect my behaviour, but I'm definitely more aware of choices I make. Almost chaos-theory-esque.

I'm going to die soon. I don't know when and I don't know how, but it'll be soon.
Such is life. We're born, we exist, we die. Very few people ever really live.

Is it possible that we're dead and we just don't know it?

Archived letters, Dandelion hard-drive, Admit one.

2008-08-26T21:13:00.000+10:00

A long time ago, I wrote a letter for a bloke I used to date and saved it on my hard-drive. I went through files a while ago and found it and read it and was absolutely floored at the sheer gracelessness of the words.

Every day, it feels a little like I'm leaving something behind that I shouldn't. Like there's some part of me that deserves to be alive, but I'm killing it by growing.

I've started to save everything. Not hoarding, no. More along the lines of collectivity and archivism. Whole chapters of books I never started and songs I've never considered singing scattered sporadically around my hard-drive like dandelions in the back garden.

Birthday in two and a half.
We celebrated tonight.
It was excellent.

"There's very little I've not been able to admit, but I think this memory is one of the few."

I have no idea what that is, but it sounds pretty fun.

2008-08-23T12:54:00.000+10:00

Waking up isn't as much fun as it should be, sometimes.

I'm in Hawaii.
We caught the flight that day I had BurgerKing.
I suppose I should eat fast food more often when I'm travelling.

I don't really know how long I've been here, but I've been generalising at "a week".

I've got a new phone.
Nothing swank, but definitely not my technology brick.
(Though my old phone can apparently go through the washer, get dried out, and still work perfectly fine.)

Class starts Monday.

"Pseudo-modesty won't cut it at the monastery."

Available space for bugs, malfunctions, and devilish belfries.

2008-08-13T07:39:00.000+10:00

Due to a malfunction of the most irking nature, I have to re-write this amazing post I had written.

Basically, I'm sitting in a terminal being annoyed by bugs and children (I can't decide which is worse), trying to not re-visit my breakfast from earlier (wonderful French toast sticks from Burger King), and biding time until my battery dies (in both my mobile phone and laptop). Thank goodness for free internet.

Mum is making friends with everyone in the terminal.

We're flying Space-A, so the fact that there are no flights going to Hawaii at this time is really steaming my biscuits.

I'm also trying to warm my hands on the computer, but it's not exactly working.

Also, The Blue Screen of Death made an appearance at the Olympics. Whut?

"The devil in the belfry is really the consciousness you left behind when you got out of bed that one morning."

Growth, Dedication, Fruitflies, and Casual Desperation.

2008-08-09T02:56:00.000+10:00

You grow a lot in four years.

It's hard to see while it's happening, but when you step back and read four-year-old journal entries, you see that you've become a different person than the one who started.

It doesn't matter if you started late or early because early starters could finish late and late starters could finish early.

"Desperation caught in the throats of the girls who wished they thought of it first..."

I realised today that dedication isn't the amount of time you put into something, but rather what you do when other people are investing time into something.
While the people next to me were conjugating verbs or worrying about gerunds or coming up with a different way to say "things", I was figuring out how to catch a fruit-fly by the wings while the insect struggled for escape.
I managed it one night. Out of the air at a friend's house.

"Casual as in the way she rolls her hips the instant you come into view or casual as in the way I lick my lips before I kiss you?"