Where does that leave us, then?

It's kind of weird. I've been Writing About Myself On The Interwebs (as would be an appropriate way of putting it) for going on six years. In that time, I've met and spoken to some really lovely people -- people I'm glad to have met, or was glad to have in my life at some point.

I was going through my 'friends list' on LiveJournal and I realised I couldn't remember one girl's name. Going back through my files, I'm not sure we ever exchanged names.

Sometimes you have to wonder if heartbreak is ever worth it. Not just the 'romantic' type, either. The absolute devastation when you realise after a while that certain friends have outgrown you, or you've outgrown certain friends. This, I think, is one of the few things that really scares me. And it doesn't truly matter how old you are, or how long you've known each other when you've grown apart from someone... sometimes things just don't 'work out' the way you want them to. Sometimes it's best to let go of those people -- those emotions -- and sort of grab a tighter hold on yourself. Not because you no longer like or love these friends, but because it's what's best for you... or because it's what's best for them.

Then you have to ask yourself whether you really did ever love that person or those people. You doubt yourself because you don't want to admit that you can stop loving someone because that means that someone could stop loving you. That's not a fun possibility. To look at it another way, there's the "love changes" concept. There's the idea that love itself is an energy which can neither be created nor destroyed, but which may change when acted upon.

There will be times when I'll have to make decisions based on what's right for others instead of what's right for myself. There will also be times I'll have to be selfish in order to grow up or move on or whatever it is that I'm trying to accomplish.

The big 'issue' with that, I suppose, is this: where do you draw the line? Where does 'taking care of yourself' become 'selfishness', and where does 'helping others' become 'running yourself ragged'? When did we start putting a price on helping people who need help? When did we start putting 'minimum donation' on charity? When did that start becoming necessary? Why are any of these questions relevant?

Idle hands are the devil's playground and idle talk is the devil's doing. That's my opinion. Idle "I love you"s when you don't mean it at all, or talk for the sake of talk. Gossip and all of those nasty habits we learn from age-whatever don't ever help us. To me, that seems to be why we rely so much on technology. While the internet is so open and like a great big ocean of death and ruined reputations, everyone's here and everyone is technically anonymous. We can trash-talk our best friends and no one is going to say anything because it's none of their business, but then it's still everyone's business.

Something to ask people when you get the "it's not you, it's me" talk (or the "it's really you, it's definitely not me" talk), is "So what would you like to do about this?". If you honestly love someone, fight for them. You'd want someone to fight for you, so fight for those you love.