Sentiments, 10/35, and Reloading prayers.

It's kind of strange to listen to music and think about the people you used to be. My sister's reading this book called 'The 10 Women You'll Be Before You're 35' and the title really sticks with me. We change at different rates and for different reasons. Whether it's from age or necessity or traumatic events or joyful events or all of the above or [insert reason here], we change. No one is static.

I had a birthday about two weeks ago. It was pretty... interesting.


I'm composing paragraphs and storylines without a pen or paper. Bad idea, yes?


"Whenever I re-load, he's on top and I can't help but feel that it's a sign. Oh God, grant me peace so that I may find strength within myself to love myself enough to clear out the cupboard in my head of photographs and words. Grant me patience so that I may not have to do this all in one go. Help me persevere because I can't do this alone."


Everything happens for a reason, you know? Life ends or goes on. Chaos and loaded consciences. It's pretty reasonable.

Sleeping paranoia and Pre-existing death.

I've been trying to find a way to sleep at night that doesn't involve sleeping. That doesn't really make sense, but neither does going to the cinema or dinner alone.

For some reason, I've become really paranoid. It doesn't negatively affect my behaviour, but I'm definitely more aware of choices I make. Almost chaos-theory-esque.

I'm going to die soon. I don't know when and I don't know how, but it'll be soon.
Such is life. We're born, we exist, we die. Very few people ever really live.

Is it possible that we're dead and we just don't know it?