"Ma'am, I would suggest Googling it."

Cable has been sporadic today, so this post has been... yeah.

Anyway.

I've survived my first pay-period at work. It was kind of awesome. I also made my First Ever Adult Purchase: my own actual mobile phone. In my name, on my card, paid for with my money.
It? Is pink and awesome.
Like me. Only I'm, yanno, not pink.
I'm super-excited about it.

Cable is out right now, meaning that my writing this is about the only interesting thing I'm capable of doing with the internet at the moment. It's not even that interesting, either, as this is rather like a... whaddyacall... New Document in the thing... with the words... word-processor or sommat.

Oh yes... so very eloquent, ma'am.

So I started work a couple of weeks ago. It's kind of great. I work at a vegetarian grocery store. It's great. I also get lunch everyday, courtesy of the lunch-counter in the front of the store, next to the register, which is what I ring up every day. Which is where I may be found five days a week, mostly between the hours of eleven and two, but also before and after that on Mondays and Fridays. How splendid.

I actually really love my job. I love being friendly to people. It's such a nice change from being a complete and utter nutter and hermit. I kid thee not, it's easier than curling up and screaming "I HATE YOU ALL" at the top of my lungs every morning. And I get paid for doing something I've discovered I'm good at. Go figure.

Unfortunately, I don't drive. Still. Deficiency, thy name is me.
However, I should be starting lessons soon. Ish. Maybe. Because I could have my license by December if I play my cards right. And if I can get everything done YESTERDAY.
Because Guam is weird in that it takes about a year to get a full license.
Uh... yeah. Whether you're sixteen or one-hundred and sixty or anywhere in between. Seriously. And they want to make the laws stricter about it.
Hoops: It is time to jump through them like a trained seal.
(I would say "trained tiger", but I disapprove of performing animals in general and it seems that seals/sea-lions are treated the best of the lot, even if they are made to do the most ridiculous of unnatural stunts.)

Oh dear... I do think it's rubbed off on me.

One of my duties at the store is to stock PETA and SDA pamphlets in the dining-area. Unfortunately, I do not approve of PETA in general (something about 98% of adoptable animals being euthanaised... What? And the marketing to children... Which is absolutely disgusting to me because of the mass propaganda and half-truths being sold to these impressionable minds... for free), and I'm not a member of the SDA church. (I don't mind stocking SDA pamphlets. Mostly because the store is owned and run by the SDA and there are quite a few pamphlets about suicide prevention, being smart about dating, and not getting discouraged in this financial down-swing. I rather like that.)

And about PETA:
I'm not a vegetarian. Plain and simple. I did it for a few months, got sick, and started eating meat. I respect vegetarianism, yanno? There are definite health-benefits if done properly (and if you're not loading yourself with chemicals to make the food meat-flavoured... that baffles me) and all that.
And I love animals. Seriously. I have chickens in my back garden and two cats who have taken over my house, heart, and closet (thank goodness for lint-rollers and dryer-sheets). If I see an animal, I usually try to cutesy-talk it (unless said animal is attempting to bite my face off... or is a large dog not on a leash and with a penchant for attempting to eat the tires on the truck... yeah...) and pet it and whatnot.
And yeah. I eat cow, pig, and chicken. I've also been known to eat lamb. And buffalo.
The thing is... these animals were bred for this. Most farmers treat their livestock very well. Because the livestock are the source of income for these farmers.
Should the animals be treated with respect before they are humanely slaughtered? Of course. Of course they should. (Viva la Kosher beef, &c.)
But to use "shock tactics" to say "Don't eat meat, this is where it comes from!" to people, using pictures of "farms" that've probably been shut down by SPCA (who... actually DO get their animals adopted by people, oddly... hmm) for animal cruelty (YES, THAT IS WHAT THE SPCA IS HERE FOR!)... that's going overboard. Especially when CHILDREN view the images. On the internet. With parental consent, supervision, and trust.

I'm definitely not saying "OMG CENSOR THE INTERNETS!!!!11". Because I like the internets. I like being able to find stuff. I like being able to say stuff on the internets and not care that some bloke in a bad suit is going to come black-bag me and torture me for speaking out against the government and planting evidence of terrorism, treason, and really bad skin all over my house. Simply because SOMEONE doesn't like the way I think.
What I am saying is: be tasteful in your child-aimed pamphlets and whatnot. Because I will find out and complain. And I'm damn good at complaining about stuff I have no business complaining about.


So yeah... frigging adopt animals.
And support the SPCA. Because, seriously, I've been to some really amazing SPCA shelters. And the WSPCA has done awesome work all over the world to end some of the more horrific animal cruelty out there. (Their commercials make me cry like a kid without a lollipop at the doctor's.)
Seriously. Time, money, supplies... whatever. Adopt, foster, visit... it doesn't take very long. A couple of hours a week at a shelter, just sitting with the cats or walking the dogs goes a long way to facilitate the adoption process.

And if the spirit moves you... don't eat meat. Or eat meat. Or only eat meat on Thursdays when it rains. Or don't eat meat only on Thursdays when it rains.
It doesn't matter to me.
But seriously? Don't be a douche about your vegetarianism/omnivorism [delete as appropriate]. Don't get all self-righteous at me, citing the Bible as a reference. I'll cite you right back from the same book, a few verses before you, and probably pwn your bottom simply because I'll look cuter doing it. And won't have shoved it in your face to begin with.


Animals? I love animals.
Cats, dogs (as long as they don't... drool... on me), cows, horses, pigs, manatees, chickens, fish, eels, geese, gorillas, lemurs, platypuses... I love them all. The weirder, the better.
But I'll also eat meat if it's put in front of me. Regardless of where it came from. It's dead. I'm not going to stand on principle and say "ZOMG IT WAS SLAUGHTERED INHUMANELY THEREFORE I WILL GO HUNGRY UNTIL I GET SOME ETHICALLY-TREATED MEAT!!!11". I sit down, shut up, and eat my food. Because I may have to go hungry tomorrow. Fact. Of. Life.
(I do draw the line at modern cadavers. I know what people eat. That's just icky. Maybe if I didn't know.)




Anyway.
A lot of my job has to do with answering phones and questions. So I get a lot of questions like "Do you carry [insert product]?". But sometimes we get people seeking nutrition advice and dieting advice. When this happens, something like "Fibre... can I find that in like... a powder?" is easy to answer. Something like "Gluten-fre flour... what it that?" will get a "Ma'am, some people are allergic to gluten, and have a disease called Celiac. We carry many allergen-free foods, and gluten-free flour happens to be one of them". That sometimes leads to another question, such as: "Is that better for diabetics?". When I can't answer a question, my first instinct is to ask my boss. If my boss doesn't know, we use the old stand-by:
"Ma'am, I don't know. I would suggest Googling it."
Especially when we get the "I can't see my doctor about it because he's not homoeopathic!"
...
"Ma'am, you may still want to consult your doctor. I am not a medical professional and I am not certified to answer any health-related questions. If you're unsure, I would suggest Googling it."
Also:
"Do you all have a diet-plan?"
"No, ma'am. However, you could Google a healthy-eating diet and probably find many websites with appropriate support groups to help you along your way. Good luck and thank you for calling".
I'm good for questions about colon cleansing, detoxification, and "Is this organic/natural/raw?". Mostly because the raw/organic/natural is on the packaging. And my father went on a detoxification regime a couple of years ago and I learnt more about the human digestive system I really wanted to know. So, yeah, "I can recommend the CS Detox tea. Because I've had it. And that colon cleanse? In the white container? Seriously works, but I wouldn't recommend that if you're 'just' constipated, because that can seriously mess up your social life." Just saying.



I honestly love my job. I love what I do. And I love the twenty-five percent discount I get.