I don't smile enough. Of course, no one can smile "enough", so maybe it doesn't matter if you do or do not.
You just have to try.
I'm visiting Tokyo for the next five days.
I'm deleting my Facebook.
I'm cutting ties.
Nothing ever feels good, but it's up to you to make yourself happy. No one can do it for you.
Tuesday 8 September 2009
Thursday 3 September 2009
New Things
I like what I like. If someone introduces me to a new band or food or something, and I like it, then I like it. It's not about what's popular or new, to me. It's so much more about liking what I like. I'm sometimes not open to "new experiences", but I learn what I like without throwing myself headfirst into a pit of piranhas, you could say.
And, like everyone, my taste changes. Quite a bit.
I spent twelve years in Hawaii and enjoyed it.
And I never want to move back.
There's so much that I've done and haven't done there, but I really think that it's time for me to move on from that part of the world. I LOVE Hawaii and will never forget it. I just don't want to live somewhere for the rest of my life. I don't want to be completely tied down to something. I change so much on a monthly basis, just in philosophy, I don't think I could live somewhere for that long again. There's so much... MORE... to the world than I had there. And while I love the people there and will try my best to keep in contact with my close friends who remain there... I don't want to go back.
This guy I used to date joined the Navy right after I left for Guam in January 2008, and shipped out last October/November. He and I were talking and he was talking about moving back to Hawaii after boot camp and A-school... and I convinced him not to. My mum is a big fan of the phrase "You join the military to see the world", but that wasn't the reason I pleaded with him NOT to move back to Hawaii.
When you spend time somewhere, you leave a part of yourself behind. If you leave for less than a year, and then move back, you fall into the same things you were doing before you left, regardless of what's changed about you.
Maybe you'd call me selfish for reasoning with him over something that is quite obviously his choice and impacts his career and has a greater effect on him than it does on me, and I wouldn't blame you. And you'd call me arrogant the moment I expressed that I felt that I knew that it wasn't a good idea.
I'm one of those odd, strange, difficult people who wants the best for her friends. I'm not saying that I'm impervious to making mistakes, or that I've never been hypocritical or that I've never been stupid when it's come to a person I cared about. Maybe I was arrogant or wrong when I advised this ex-boyfriend to stay away from Hawaii for a few years. I'll admit that. I wanted what I thought was best for him, and what I thought was best (as a friend, girlfriend, and "Good Influence") was for him to be somewhere other than Hawaii. He eventually agreed and took my advice and I hope that it turns out to be the right thing for him in the long run regarding his career, and I hope that he's doing really well right now.
I tend to think of myself as "right". I usually think that I'm correct in pretty much everything. It's a personality flaw.
To get back to my point: I don't want to go back to Hawaii. I feel like I'd be moving backwards in my growth, you know?
So I've decided that I don't ever want to live in the same place twice (or, thrice) again. I'll keep moving until I'm too happy to be somewhere.
I don't mind new things. It stands to reason that, because my love life is non-existent, I'm not completely satisfied with my life, and I don't know what lasting happiness feels like, that I could stand for some new experiences. I'm not so much uncomfortable in new experiences as much as I'm too busy thinking "What the hell, this is like a film and sooner or later some plot twist is going to come up and this whole thing is going to come falling down around your ears and you're going to go crawling home with a broken back because you were too dumb to just stay home and study the flying patterns of the bees..." or something.
So... Peace.
And, like everyone, my taste changes. Quite a bit.
I spent twelve years in Hawaii and enjoyed it.
And I never want to move back.
There's so much that I've done and haven't done there, but I really think that it's time for me to move on from that part of the world. I LOVE Hawaii and will never forget it. I just don't want to live somewhere for the rest of my life. I don't want to be completely tied down to something. I change so much on a monthly basis, just in philosophy, I don't think I could live somewhere for that long again. There's so much... MORE... to the world than I had there. And while I love the people there and will try my best to keep in contact with my close friends who remain there... I don't want to go back.
This guy I used to date joined the Navy right after I left for Guam in January 2008, and shipped out last October/November. He and I were talking and he was talking about moving back to Hawaii after boot camp and A-school... and I convinced him not to. My mum is a big fan of the phrase "You join the military to see the world", but that wasn't the reason I pleaded with him NOT to move back to Hawaii.
When you spend time somewhere, you leave a part of yourself behind. If you leave for less than a year, and then move back, you fall into the same things you were doing before you left, regardless of what's changed about you.
Maybe you'd call me selfish for reasoning with him over something that is quite obviously his choice and impacts his career and has a greater effect on him than it does on me, and I wouldn't blame you. And you'd call me arrogant the moment I expressed that I felt that I knew that it wasn't a good idea.
I'm one of those odd, strange, difficult people who wants the best for her friends. I'm not saying that I'm impervious to making mistakes, or that I've never been hypocritical or that I've never been stupid when it's come to a person I cared about. Maybe I was arrogant or wrong when I advised this ex-boyfriend to stay away from Hawaii for a few years. I'll admit that. I wanted what I thought was best for him, and what I thought was best (as a friend, girlfriend, and "Good Influence") was for him to be somewhere other than Hawaii. He eventually agreed and took my advice and I hope that it turns out to be the right thing for him in the long run regarding his career, and I hope that he's doing really well right now.
I tend to think of myself as "right". I usually think that I'm correct in pretty much everything. It's a personality flaw.
To get back to my point: I don't want to go back to Hawaii. I feel like I'd be moving backwards in my growth, you know?
So I've decided that I don't ever want to live in the same place twice (or, thrice) again. I'll keep moving until I'm too happy to be somewhere.
I don't mind new things. It stands to reason that, because my love life is non-existent, I'm not completely satisfied with my life, and I don't know what lasting happiness feels like, that I could stand for some new experiences. I'm not so much uncomfortable in new experiences as much as I'm too busy thinking "What the hell, this is like a film and sooner or later some plot twist is going to come up and this whole thing is going to come falling down around your ears and you're going to go crawling home with a broken back because you were too dumb to just stay home and study the flying patterns of the bees..." or something.
So... Peace.
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