Not Taking That Nonsense

I like listening to country music. For the most part, anyway. Listening to it in the car all the time when what I would really prefer to listen to involves a very sexy Les Paul and some face-melting shredding isn't all the fun, but hey, Brad Paisley is pretty neat, too. In any case, I've become increasingly more aware of the "What the heck is she thinking?"-ness of Taylor Swift.

Don't get me wrong. T.Swift is AWESOME and I think she's awesome and I will not hear a word against her talent. I think she's great. Let me say that.

I also think that lyrics in song such as "You Belong With Me" and "Speak now" send entirely the wrong message.

Right now, let's address her VMA-award winning "You Belong With Me".



"Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
Why can't you see
You belong with me?"


1. If a guy had written those lyrics, I do believe he'd be called "STALKERRRRR" and shunned as a nerd/dork/creeper. Seriously.
2. He belongs with you? Is he a piece of property?
3. It's his life. He will be with whomever he chooses, regardless of your personal feelings. Believe me, trying to snare him into a relationship and then him realising that he doesn't want to be with you? It hurts more than him being with someone other than you.

Quite frankly, the whole song is basically her whining at her guyfriend saying "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!". Guys don't find whining attractive. In fact, my guyfriends basically change the subject when I start whining because they -- unlike chick friends who think "I'm so glad this isn't happening to me!" -- don't really want to hear it. It's not that they don't care that I'm having issues with my ex or that my friend is causing drama, it's that I can handle it on my own and the whole "spreading the drama" thing? Totally not awesome.
So girls: Don't whine at the guy you like. He doesn't like it. If he does, he's secretly a girl and/or vindictive and doesn't like you back. So forget him, focus on getting better at math (so that you won't get the 'har har, girlz r bad @ math!' sticker) and suck it up. You'll meet the right fella' if you stop chasing the wrong one. Trust me on this.


So "You Belong With Me" comes off as desperate? Indeed. Which is why it speaks so loudly to young girls. "I know what's best for him and the reason he doesn't like me back has NOTHING to do with the fact that I'm trying too hard." I'll paraphrase my sister's advice to me: boys don't like girls who act like boys. In other words: guys don't want to be pursued.

What about "Speak now"?



Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death-march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me...
(Don't you?)

(1) I'm not married. I have, however, seen enough RomComs and been to enough weddings (two of which I was in) and know what the bride is thinking: she's terrified and excited. These are the last moments before she's permanently joined to the man she loves most of all in the world. She is stressed. She's wearing a dress that is not comfortable and she's trying not to sweat because said dress costs as much as two car-payments and she's got to wrangle bridesmaids who are, quite frankly, probably more concerned about how they look than how the bride looks or feels. She's also got these decisions to make because no one is going to ask the groom what to do with the flowers or the cake or the food. On top of that, it's entirely likely the pregnant flautist's water just broke all over the front steps to the church and she's not going to make it to the ceremony, so her thirteen-year-old cousin whose mastery of the flute is basic at best has offered to step in and... there are a lot of things that could go wrong at your wedding. Let me just say that before we get too far off topic.
(2) The bride has a lot going on without some crazy ex-girlfriend (or friend? It's not specified in the song) trying to steal her man on her wedding day. Totally not cool, Taylor Swift.
(3) I fail to see how this is healthy. Granted, the fact that most of the song takes place in a daydream does add a certain something to it. I would argue, though, that the fact that she's fantasising about breaking up her ex's/friend's wedding because she's jealous. I mean, how often does breaking up any marriage or relationship work? Honestly, it doesn't.

also:He probably kissed the bride the day before. Do you really want sloppy-seconds, girls? (The thought makes me want to vomit.)

Where one song is desperate, the other makes me want to punch her (though I am currently singing along because I'm pretending its ironic).


What this boils down to is self-respect.

I don't know any actualised, self-respecting woman who would all but beg a man to love her or break up a wedding so that she could possibly get together with the groom an hour after he's out of his tux. The icing is still cool on the cake, I don't know what you're thinking.

Maybe the operative word is "woman". A girl will pout and shout and cry that she's not getting her way. A woman -- a real woman -- is poised and takes responsibility for her actions. She also says something to her love-interest before his wedding day (to a woman he must love if he [1] spent enough time with her to want to spend the rest of his life with her and [2] got down on his knee and asked her to marry him) so that she doesn't create a spectacle of herself. Real women don't make spectacles of themselves over a man. (Pro-tip: if he had wanted to marry you, he would have asked you.)

No, I'm not married.
Yes, I have been a fool for a man. I have been a fool over more than one man.

The difference between T.Swift and I is that I've learnt from my foolishness and am not letting men mess me about.

Now, do I still like her music? Heck yes. Do I still jam out to "Love Story" whenever it comes on? Yes. Will I endeavour to be more like T.Swift in 2011 and use her songs as a pattern to my life? Oh gosh, I hope not. I'm not desperate for attention and I don't plan to break up my ex's wedding, no matter what my personal feelings on the matter (I don't want cooties to be passed to me. That's icky).